Family Reunion Jokes
Looking for a way to enjoy your family reunion? Use jokes to lighten the mood and decrease tension.
Here are a few one-liners, stories and jokes that make me laugh. They would make great family reunion jokes.
Family Reunion Jokes: ONE-LINERS
You might be a redneck if… you go to a family reunion looking for a girlfriend.
You might be a redneck if… your family tree doesn’t fork.
A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
They lived happily until they got married.
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
Memory is what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.
The family that sticks together should bathe more often.
Family Reunion Jokes: SHORT JOKES
"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
A husband said to his wife, “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like YOUR mother-in-law better than I like mine!”
A man solved the problem of too many visiting relatives. He borrowed money from the rich ones and loaned it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.
It first occurred to me that our marriage might be in trouble when my wife won an all expenses paid trip for two to Hawaii - and she went twice.
After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, a man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.
"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
A four-year-old girl was learning to say the Lord's prayer. She was reciting it all by herself without help from her mother. She said, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail. AMEN."
Family Reunion Jokes: FUNNY STORIES
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I’m sick of her, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her,” and then hangs up.
The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news.
She calls her father and yells, “You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a single thing, do you hear me??”
The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, “It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they’re paying their own way!”
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws.”
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents "how was I born?"
"Well honey…" said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."
"OH," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters, as well as their spouses, who were all gathered for a family reunion.
"Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh. "Why, I'll give a million dollars to the first person who presents me with a little one. Now let's say a blessing for this food." He then bowed his head and prayed.
When the old man lifted his head, his wife was the only other one at the table.
Family Reunion Jokes: KNOCK-KNOCK
(The jokes that use someone's name have so much potential! Yes, they are dumb, but aren't all knock-knock jokes dumb?? The 8, 9 and 10-year olds in the crowd will love it!)
Family Reunion Jokes: MISCELLANEOUS
Actual answers given by contestants on “The Family Feud”:
The bridge over troubled waters
Family Reunion Jokes: ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
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